Feelings

So last night I got an email from one of my volunteers. It wasn't a very nice email. Lots of negativity about the frg and what I have and havn't done. Some of it was true (I am not the most organized and haven't sent emails out as good as I could have) but other things had reasons behind them that she hasn't even tried to talk to me about. She complained that since Monica left no t-shirts have been sold. I feel like this is such a trivial thing. I know that I will never be as good as Monica was in keeping facebook up and having t-shirt fundraisers. I am ok with that but it still hurts that someone else feels that you are failing. For all that is happened since the beginning of deployment, I feet shirts take a back seat burner. We have lost four soldiers and have had a couple injured. Todd has been very sick (enough to get medivaced) in November, and two of my ex volunteers have lost siblings. My whole look on life had changed. Family has become so much more inmportant to me. Life can be short. Todd could die. more of his soldiers could. Soldiers who I have met and have gotten to know their families. It is scary! who cares that shirts haven't been sold for three months?
I have never done anything oon purpose to exclude anyone (and it is usually the ones that need it or have a soldier killed that I have gotten info wrong). I had two reasons for telling Todd that I would be the frg leader. one was because I wanted to help Todd and I really wanted to help the families. And I really like being able to help them it is just lately I feel like I am not qualified enough. I an not organized enough and I am vey bad at remembering to call people. I have tried so hard to stay organized. My heart is so in it but i feel like my body is failing. And now besides my new co leader I have been trying to do every job. I have lost almost all my volunteers. Some to their soldiers getting attached to other companies and some to them heading back home during deployment. And then a couple of others because of their own issues with the frg or with the company. And now we are fianlly dealing with spouses with injuries and I feel so stretched thin. If it wasn't for Lori (my new co-leader) I don't know if I would be able to get through it. She has taken over the rosters which is such a sigh of relief for me.

So the whole reason I started writing this is that is hurts when others critisize you or say you aren't good enough. Especially for things that are close to the truth but also for the stuff that aren't acurate and if the person just asked they would find out why things are the way they are. It has made me think alot today how it is so important that I don't ever do it to someone else. It is so easy to talk negatively about our FRSA and I am guilty. And it isn't right. I should never had said anything negative about her to others. Even if some of the things may be true it automaticly makes them look bad in the other person's eye. Why do we do it? Why do we talk about others so freely? Does it make us feel better about ourselve? Or do we just want to gain more friends and think that this is the way? Or do we feel like it will take our frusteration away (well it doesn't! i think it only makes us more frusterated!) I think it is sad and I hope in the future I won't say anything bad about another person. It hurts! the emotions that I have felt during this deplyment are crazy! I can't wait to go back to normal (for us) life and less drama! I am very grateful to Todd. He wrote a very nice email to me and I needed that!